I forgot what I sent you
― ancient snapchat proverb (via tentacoolaid)

jackwhitevevo:

once i was babysitting my neighbor’s 6 year old and she asked me why i was so ugly and without thinking i said “i’m you from the future” and she cried for like 30 minutes

  • grandma: DO YOU WANT AN APPLE
  • me: no thanks grandma
  • grandma: HERES YOUR APPLE
  • and the women break
    vases against the walls
    and the men drink too
    much
    and nobody finds the
    one
    but keep
    looking
    crawling in and out
    of beds.
    ― Charles Bukowski, Alone With Everybody (via stxxz)

    sarahkeilman94:

    I’m at the grocery store with my grandparents and my grandpa has wandered away and now my grandma is going up every isle yelling his name and im hiding behind a cookie display cuz i dont want anyone to know im with the crazy woman screaming dick at the top of her lungs

    richwhitelesbian:

    wizcoylifa:

    fifty shades (thats it. thats the whole joke. im wearing 50 pairs of sunglasses right now this is comedy gold people)

    “ya but how many chainz” i holler from the back of the crowd. suddenly its my show and your girlfriend is on my arm now. shes also a man and your gay

    (Source: falcnpunch)

    officialbaio:

    étudier….

    etud…

    etu…

    et…

    e…

    d…

    dor…

    dorm…

    dormir.